Let's Keep it Real

Being honest is important to being a person of integrity. However, the most important person you have to be honest with is yourself. We can sometimes let ourselves see things in a light that makes us feel better about what we've done and about who we are. Sometimes this is a defense mechanism of masking the past, masking who we are, or what we've done, or what we let happen, or what we allowed others to do to us. Masking things seems like a way to cope with people or the past, but it's really just a temporary band-aid. The issue swells inside of your heart and later resurfaces in a different light or you become a different person because of what you're carrying inside of your heart. Sometimes we get angry at others and we don't really know why but the real problem lies within and has never been resolved. Check out a quick video I did about some simple steps to being honest with yourself. We all know that it's easier said than done, but it's a process that has to start somewhere. So, when you're ready to be real with yourself begin by:

 1) Admitting/acknowledging it. Whether it's the past, who you are, what you did, what you allowed to happen, or whatever is at the root of what troubles you.

2) Accept it. Whatever it is. Accept it for what it is and what it was. Forgive yourself and the parties involved in order to let go and use it as a lesson learned. But most importantly, let it go. We did an exercise called Pandora's Box in one of our meetings. You write the name of a problem of a person or something you did in the past that hurt you. You can also write how it made you feel on it. Once you have written it all down you put it in the box and it's a physical representation of your letting it go. You can even tear the paper to pieces if that helps.

3) Honor yourself. Decide who you want to be from this moment, what you will accept, what you want, who you want to be in your life, how you want to live your life. Honoring yourself means being true to yourself and your feelings; it means acting in alignment with what your heart desires. If you say you no longer want to allow people to talk down to you and you're in a situation where someone is talking down to you it might make you feel uncomfortable. You have to honor your feelings and your wishes either by removing yourself from the situation or addressing the person (if appropriate) and being true to yourself.

Keeping it real with others is fine but none of it matters if you can't be honest with you. You can do it.

Fearlessness!

I used to experience fear so deep it was like an infectious disease that spread throughout every fiber of my being and paralyzed my ability to experience life in its fullness. Fear is an emotional and instinctive response to a perceived threat. Any decent psychologist can tell you that we naturally respond to fear by either our “fight” or “flight” responses; either we confront the fear or we avoid it. I was running for my life! The key word in the definition of fear is the “perceived” threat meaning that the threat may not even be real but the magnitude of the threat and how dangerous it really is or how harmful it really is originates in our thoughts.

So, the real question is never really what are you afraid of, rather, the question is what do you think you are afraid of? Marianne Williamson said “it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” I’m a logical person (most of the time) and it is logical that if the problem with fear is in our thoughts, then it would follow that the solution is also in our thoughts. This is one of those things that you have to address at the root of the problem. Ultimately, the only way to let go of this fear, or perceived threat, is to conquer it boldly with Faith. How does one aquire such Faith? I’m going to do a lot of blogs about specific ways to build your faith, self-confidence, fearlessness, and I don’t want to oversimplify it here but I want you to understand how I came to understand the process.

The bible says that faith comes with understanding. I would venture to say that if you can fear something, you can also have extreme faith. I came to understand that they both work the exact same way. Worry is just a concentrated and perpetual thought and belief about something potentially negative that may be real or imagined. So, by having fear, you have faith that something negative will happen to you. You have to exercise your faith by focusing its attention on things that are positive and harmonious with the person that you were created to be. You have to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness and these are things we are going to work on together in this blog. It is hard to have faith in something we can not see, especially when we can not see the entirety of the picture but Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”


Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.